1.Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2.If you want to commit suicide, you should jump down from your ego to your IQ.
3.Insert coin to view my status message.
4.If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
5.Excuse me, if I go straight this way, will I be able to reach your heart?
6.Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
7.Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
8.Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
9.If vegetarians eat only vegetables, what about humanitarians?
10.I never make the same mistake twice. Three, four times maybe. But never twice.
11.Facebook, because time isn’t going to kill itself.
12.When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
13.Bad decisions make good stories. No wonder people find me so entertaining..
14.Dear smartphones, why can`t you charge yourself? Sincerely, you`re not so smart after all.
15.If people have a problem with u, always remember, it is THEIR problem..
16.You`re sorry ? that`s cool. Go write a book about it and let someone who actually cares read it.
17.If bar tenders aren’t allowed to sell alcohol to drunk people, then McDonald’s shouldn’t be allowed to sell food to fat people.
18.That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and you end up walking in the same direction.
19.Why do you talk so fast?” “Why do you listen so slow?”
20.I don`t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
21.Life is hard normally, but its harder if you are Stupid.
22.I heard you took an IQ test and they said you’re results were negative.
Life is too short to cry for anything!
Please feel free to share with your favorite jokes. Have a great day!
Great Quotes Every Day 